Super Heroes Shouldn’t Have to be Super All the Time

I admire super heroes for using their super powers to fight bad guys, stand up for the less-than-super folks and generally help mankind when mankind needs a helping iron fist.

I also believe that, given their exemplary service to society, super heroes are entitled, now and then, to use their super human gifts for purely selfish gain. As far as I’m concerned, anyone who spends 24/7 fighting evil deserves some occasional super hero me time.

Yes, doing good for your fellow man should be a reward in and of itself. Still, there should be a few other benefits.

I have no problem with Clark Kent confiding with a restaurant hostess that he’s actually Superman, just to get a good table further away from the kitchen.

I couldn’t blame the Incredible Hulk for proposing to a damsel in distress: “If I lift this car off your leg will you buy some Girl Scout cookies from my niece?”

I wouldn’t fault Peter Parker for sidling up next to a gorgeous babe in a bar and whispering, “Hi, I’m actually Spider-Man. Can I buy you a drink?”

I’d probably smile approvingly if I was standing behind Wonder Woman at the dry cleaners and overheard her shout, “No, I don’t have my ticket. If you can’t find my red, white and blue bustier in one minute, I’m going to string you up with my Lasso of Truth.”

Why should Bruce Wayne haggle with AmeriSave Home Loans when one angry call from Batman could get his Batcave refinanced as quicken as one, two, three?

Yes, we need our super heroes They make us feel safe and secure. We take great comfort in knowing they can do no wrong. But would we feel less safe or secure if, every once in a while, we let Captain America cut in line at Starbucks?

At the very least, cut the Invisible Man some slack for hanging out in his girlfriend’s bedroom to see if she’s been fooling around with Wolverine.

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and others. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”

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