Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages – Completion of First Trans Continental Railroad

Howdy everyone.

Today, they finally finished the Trans Continental Railroad. At last, you can now ride coast to coast while sitting next to a guy with a chicken on his lap.

The Central Pacific’s engine Jupiter and the Union Pacific’s engine No. 119 met at Promontory Summit, Utah. Engineers expect it’ll be another year before they figure out how they will pass each other.

The ceremony culminated with the presidents of the Union Pacific and Central Pacific railroads pounding a golden spike into the rail line – which looked like my dentist filling a cavity.

The two railroads would’ve been joined sooner had one of them not first accidentally ended up in Canada.

Before this new railroad connection, it could take up to six months to cross the country – which is pretty unbearable if your kid keeps asking, “Are we there yet?”

Call me old fashioned but no transcontinental trip is complete for me without circling the wagons and night and having a trail guide named Gabby proposition my wife.

In other groundbreaking transportation news, two Pony Express horses met in Denver and rubbed noses.

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”

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