Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages – Building of the Great Pyramid

They finally finished the Great Pyramid of Giza. I was pleasantly surprised. I was expecting the Fair-to-Middling Pyramid of Giza.

I like this Pyramid even though, truth be told, I’ve always been a sphere guy.

The Pyramid was built as a tomb for Pharaoh Khufu. I hope wherever he is, he’s happy with it. If it were me, the minute I died, I’d be thinking, “Dammit, I should’ve requested more shelf space.”

It’s the tallest man-made structure in the world. Although, when the builders of the Sphinx heard about it, they quickly announced plans to give their giant monument taller cat ears.

The Pyramid was built by quarrying an estimated 2.3 million gigantic blocks weighing six million tons total, which comes to approximately 1.5 hernias per block.

And contrary to what most people are saying, slave labor was not used to build the pyramid. Everyone was paid – at least according to the Brotherhood of Indentured Servants Union.

Some of the workers are with us tonight. Please stand up if you can.

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”