Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages – Building of the Great Pyramid

Welcome to the show.

They finally finished the Great Pyramid of Giza. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. Frankly, I was expecting the Slightly Above Average Pyramid of Giza.

The Pyramid was built as a tomb for Pharaoh Khufu. Apparently, a simple yet tasteful headstone wasn’t enough.

Actually, the Pyramid was the King’s second choice. They went with it after his first choice, a giant sphere, accidentally rolled all the way to the Red Sea.

It’s the tallest man-made structure in the world. Although, when the builders of the Sphinx heard about that, they quickly announced plans to give their giant statue bigger cat ears.

The Pyramid was built by quarrying an estimated 2.3 million gigantic blocks weighing six million tons total. That comes to approximately 1.5 hernias per block.

And contrary to what most of people are saying, slave labor was not used to build the pyramid. Everyone was paid – at least according to the Brotherhood of Indentured Servants Union.

Some of the workers are with us tonight. Please stand up if you can.

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”

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