Tonight’s guest is Elisha Otis who’s invented a contraption called the elevator. It’s a tiny room that moves people up and down in buildings. Do you know what this means? We can now experience what it’s like to be a plate of baked potatoes riding in a dumbwaiter.
Can you imagine experiencing the feeling of a room rising and lowering without having one drink?
The elevator is pulled up and down with a thin metal cable strong enough to support at least three pianos or six overweight relatives.
Imagine the interesting conversations you’ll have riding down from the fourth floor: “How are you?”, “Nice hat”, “Do you think we’ll crash?”
Here’s a thought: How about putting a small band in the elevator for background music – or at the very least, a guy who can whistle a lot of tunes.
I’d install one, if only to lower me into the pit where my writers work.
According to Mr. Otis, orders for his elevator have been flying in – including many from short men who’ve only dreamed of kissing a tall woman.
Here’s a bit of juicy gossip: Remember Catherine the Great, the last reigning Empress Regnant of Russia, our fair and just leader who would have you beheaded for calling her “Catherine the Conventional”?
She’s been dead for a number of years, and some folks who will remain anonymous are implying she didn’t actually die of natural causes. She died of – how can I put this gently –while doing the dirty deed with a male member of the equine persuasion.
Is it fair to accuse someone of such a scandalous act when they’re not here to defend themselves? I mean, for all we know she and the horse were just friends.
It is true Catherine had between 12 and 22 male lovers throughout her life, but who among us hasn’t gone on a date where the first thing we’re told is get in line and take a number?
Quite honestly, if my name ended with “the Great,” you better believe I might use it to get my Debauchery Card punched.
The one I feel sorry for is the guy she might have dumped before the horse. How do you compete with that?
We’ll never know what really happened. I’d hate, however, to see a reputation she worked so long and hard to create and maintain be destroyed by one tiny impulsive act of being accidentally crushed while having relations with a farm animal.
Marco Polo returned to Venice after twenty-four years of traveling through Asia along the Silk Road. Amazingly, his cat was still sitting in the window ignoring him.
He’s one of the first Europeans to explore the vast Orient which includes many peoples and cultures. He’s also become one of the first humans to ask in multiple languages, “Can you point me to your restroom?”
Actually, Marco’s father and uncle had first journeyed to Asia before him. He decided to go there himself after his dad brought him back a silk housecoat embroidered with: “Someone Visited China and All I Got Was This Lousy Robe.”
While in China, Polo served for seventeen years as Chinese Emperor Kublai Khan’s foreign emissary. I feel like such an underachiever. When I was his age, I was picking up girls with a hand cart.
Marco Polo’s account of his travels through the Orient give the first references to paper money. Is this a great innovation? Who wants to mix up their currency with their toilet paper?
After being captured by Genoans and thrown into prison, Polo dictated details of his travels to a fellow inmate, Rustichello da Pisa – which probably explains why an earlier draft includes a Chinese love interest with giant bazongas.
Marco will be on the show next week to plug his book and do some wild tricks with a substance he discovered called gunpowder.