Suggestion Box Submissions at Newly Opened Eiffel Tower

Tower needs to be adjusted so it doesn’t appear to be giving England the finger.

1,665 stairs to the top? That’s inhumane! How about providing man servants to carry tourists up and down on their backs?

Cancel my previous suggestion. I just found the passenger lift. So why no man servants to carry tourists on and off the passenger lift?

If this massive structure is going to have four legs, the least you can do is give it four massive fluffy slippers.

Remove the “Eiffel Toilets” signs over restrooms.

The damn thing is blocking my view of the Champ de Mars. Can you move it three feet to the left?

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”

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