Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages – President William Howard Taft

Rumor has it that President William Howard Taft, who weighs in at 350 pounds, got stuck in a White House bath tub and needed six men to pull him free. That’s a big president. How big?

He’s so big he buys his suits at a circus tent store.

He’s so big his motto his “Remember the Maine Course.”

He’s so big he vetoes any bill that doesn’t include a dessert menu.

He’s so big Teddy Roosevelt mistook one of his chins for San Juan Hill.

He’s so big his most important cabinet position is reaching in one for a drumstick.

He’s so big he’s not only a trust buster, he’s a button popper.

He’s so big his shadow blocks out Maryland.

But we love the president.

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”

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