Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages – Creation of the Hippocratic Oath

A Greek doctor named Hippocrates has created an oath of medical ethics, I hope this pledge also says something about never sticking your hand under a patient’s robe to grab his money sack.

Actually, I think an oath of medical ethics is a great idea. Who among us hasn’t staggered out of our doctor’s office wondering, “Did I really need that Babylonian Skull Cure?”

Hippocrate’s oath includes: “I swear by Apollo Healer, by Asclepius, by Hygieia, by Panacea, and by all the gods and goddesses…” That’s quite a group practice he’s got.

Coincidentally, Hippocrates neglects to mention the most important medical deity, Thiefius, the god of highway robbery.

I’d be happy if my doctor pledged not to charge me an arm and a leg for amputating an arm and a leg.

The most important part of Hippocrates medical oath is “First do no harm.” Frankly, I wish he started with “First, wash your hands.”

It’s also inspired me to create my own oath: First tell no unfunny joke. And if I do: Second throw the guy who wrote it to the lions.

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”