The Statue of Liberty, a massive sculpture of a lady in a robe holding a torch and a tablet inscribed with the date of our Declaration of Independence, was dedicated today in New York Harbor. The statue’s message of freedom is so powerful twelve other statues have already demanded their emancipation.
The 151-foot-tall figure is a gift from the people of France. It was built there, shipped overseas and assembled here. It would have taken less time to put together had our engineer reading their instructions been fluent in more than French fries.
The statue was designed by sculptor Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi. He said the hardest part was finding her a pair or size 750 extra-wide shoes.
Only dignitaries were permitted on the island during the ceremonies. Even sea gulls had to know somebody.
President Grover Cleveland presided over the dedication ceremony and was quite the gentlemen. He delivered his entire speech without once looking up Lady Liberty’s big skirt.
The event was also was marked by New York’s first ticker-tape parade. And if we learned one thing: Cascading bits of paper are a happier alternative to leaping stockbrokers after a financial crash.
I’m guessing a simple thank you note to France isn’t going to be enough. How about a throw blanket big enough to enrobe the Palace of Versailles?
I asked my staff to come up with a statue that best represents me. So far, the only design they have is of me shirtless after a card game.
Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”