Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages – Sir Lancelot

Boy, I feel like an idiot. All week I’ve been hounding the staff to get Sir Lancelot on tonight’s show; and my producer kept saying, “he doesn’t really exist.” And I said, “That’s what you said about Merlin the Wizard, the magician I hired for my kid’s birthday party.”

I even offered our booking agent a five-chicken bonus if he could get Lancelot on our show – and I normally never pay him more than three chickens.

Guess what? They were right. He is a fictional character, and I feel like an idiot. This is more embarrassing than when I booked the guy who claimed he’d invented a catapult that could safely heave a family of six to Spain.

It also explains why King Arthur, Queen Guinevere and Sir Galahad have yet to return any of my messages – and why they won’t be joining me in my round table discussion.

I’m disappointed. I really wanted to ask Lancelot about the stories of him slaying dragons and giants. Were they true or was it just the ale talking?

Fortunately, we have an excellent guest who will be filling in for Lancelot tonight. She’s written an interesting and informative book called “I Was Married to Robin Hood’s Merriest Man.”

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”