Given the choice, I think I’d rather be an Average Gatsby rather than a Great Gatsby. As much as I’m fascinated with mysterious and wealthy people, I’m guessing an Average Gatsby would feel less stressed wearing pants with a day-old ketchup stain.

Comedy writer Ben Alper has written for Jay Leno, David Letterman and is the author of “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages”