You are constantly texting the voice in your head.

You often feel alone in a mosh pit.

Small talk is agony but small talk with a small person is torture.

It’s hard to make small foreplay at orgies.

When attending public events you always sit in the back row, even if it’s on someone’s lap.

You notice details others don’t. For example, you’re the only earthling at the party.

People keep telling you to “say something,” particularly while being interrogated by police.

Your favorite exit strategy for fleeing social gatherings is yelling “FIRE” while casually leaping out a window.

According to your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment, you’re an observer, best suited for a career as a peeping tom.

You often get lost in your thoughts. In fact, your mind has drifted and you’ve stopped reading this.