Introvert Avoids Small Talk with Omnipotent Attitude

small_talk_03Cassie McCall is a classic introvert. She used to struggle in social situations that required small talk. “Hearing ‘Hi, how you doing?’ made me nauseated. No one ever simply asked about my blood sugar levels.”

Fortunately, Cassie has found an easy way to avoid small talk. She’s mastered a serene facial expression that sends a clear message: I am all-knowing. I have better things to do with my life than talk to you about the weather.

Rather than be offended by her stone-like demeanor, most people are eager to engage her in a deeper conversation. “They think I’m an all-powerful soul who knows every secret of the universe. Heck, I couldn’t tell you why they sell underwear in three-packs instead of two.”

Cassie has become more socially active since perfecting her omniscient gaze. No longer does she avoid parties and muffler shop openings where she’d normally be forced to talk with people about their plans for vacation. “Before, I would panic if someone asked me where I’m from. Now I turn my head slowly, look out a window, and shed a single tear. In no time we’re chatting about the futility of life.”

Cassie McCall believes all introverts have the ability to avoid small talk. “Most extroverts are freaked out by our quietness. Don’t worry if someone asks ‘How they hanging?’ You can say anything as long as you say it with an empty stare. Then sit back and wait for an invitation to give a TED Talk.”

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