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Live Like a Billionaire Hermit on a Budget

9

No, I’m not interested in switching to Verizon Fios.

Do you seek the solitary life of a reclusive billionaire or James Bond villain, but lack the resources to buy a tropical island or build an army of bikini-clad robot security guards?

Even if you calculate your net worth in nickels and dimes, you can still live like a mad ruler of an isolated empire. Simply follow these easy steps.

  • Reconfigure your living space – With some creative decorating, you can make any studio apartment feel like a walled-off fortress in the Himalayas. Go heavy on the earth tones and add an audio loop of angry, exotic birds mating.
  • Stock 25 years of supplies – Plan carefully. For example, how will you feel about Dinty Moore Beef Stew after the 10,000th can.
  • Declare yourself ruler of your domain – Publish your manifesto on Facebook along with a photo of you wearing crown and scepter. Note: For added effect, make sure your Titanic movie poster is not in the background.
  • Security is essential – If your condo community forbids alligator-filled moats, consider hiring a retired snapping turtle to guard your foyer.
  • Adjust your personal hygiene to the new you – Because at last, you finally have the time to comb and curl your nose hairs.
  • A minimum amount of companionship is essential – Mechanical spouses or motorized significant others can be cost prohibitive. However, retrofitting an inflatable doll is a less expensive alternative. They are great listeners, tolerable lovers and never make demands on you.
  • Stay in touch with family and friends – Just because you’re off the grid doesn’t mean you can’t attend Thanksgiving dinners, family reunions and funerals via Skype.

Still feel having your own private paradise is beyond your reach? Remember: Introverts are incredible dreamers, a quality that enables them to accomplish practically anything in their minds. You may not live in a 100-story skyscraper surrounded by barbed wire on a tropical island. It doesn’t mean you can’t run a multinational envelope stuffing conglomerate from the comfort of your breakfast nook.

 

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