As the sign on this house says, “George Washington slept here,” although how much he slept was questionable since he affectionately called it Tavern Wench Central.

After the Roman Colosseum was finished, it was sold to a young family starting out. However, they quickly realized it was much too big for them. Eventually, they sold it and moved into a moderate-sized mausoleum.

Over here is the work table where Alexander Graham Bell made the first collect phone call. The person receiving the call, however, refused to accept the charges.

The Tigris and Euphrates rivers were originally named Nan and Doug.

Interesting fact: I am actually a descendent of Davy Crockett. In fact, I never do my taxes each year without wearing my lucky coonskin hat.

The pyramids were actually the world’s first timeshare apartments. But sales lagged because the top units that had no stairs.

The Erie Canal was actually dug by an anal-retentive family of beavers. Their names escape me.

I’m sorry, I don’t remember much about the Alamo.

Atilla the Hun was his actual name, although he spent his life trying to convince people to call him Gary the Hun.

And now I’m going to tell you about the softer side of Adolf Hitler.

Practically no one believes President Chester B. Arthur was a crossdresser, but let me just say this: The man could fill out an evening gown.

Comedy writer Ben Alper has written for Jay Leno, David Letterman and is the author of “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages”