Day: October 23, 2025

Have you noticed news writers and editors have become taken with “takeaways”? Who needs a beginning, middle and end to a story when you can have a list of equal observations?

Here are my takeaways on takeaways.

• Aren’t you glad there wasn’t a newspaper story titled “Three Takeaways From President Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address”?
• Aren’t you even more glad there wasn’t a newspaper story titled “900 Takeaways From the Allied Invasion of France”?
• We can only hope a sharp editor would have killed one of the takeaways in “Eleven Takeaways From God’s New Ten Commandments.”
• The same for “Four Takeaways From The Three Musketeers.”
• If a news organization declares bankruptcy, can its creditors takeaway its takeaways?
• Until recently, takeaway articles didn’t involve immigrants being taken away.
• Little known fact: High Times magazine is the only publication that has tokeaways.
• A story with five takeaways could be interesting. A dining experience with five takeaways could lead to food poisoning.
• Ok, they’re not news stories, but rental car agreements could certainly use some takeaways.
• This piece clearly shows why no article should have ten takeaways.

Comedy writer Ben Alper has written for Jay Leno, David Letterman and others. He is the author of “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages”