Extroverts are lovely people but require constant care and attention. For example, nothing drives them crazier than an introvert’s tendency to be quiet – the quieter the more annoying. You are not officially an introvert until you’ve heard the words, “Why aren’t you saying anything?”
Scientists are unsure why extroverts require a constant stream of verbal stimulation. After all, who wouldn’t want to sit alone contemplating life for days at a time? However, until a cure is found, introverts must reply to an endless stream of queries about their lack of verbal communication.
Here are some helpful responses to popular inquiries.
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When they say: |
You say: |
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Why are you so quiet? |
Actually, I’m speaking to my dog but at a frequency only he can understand. |
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Hello, anybody in there? |
Just a minute, I’m bagging my emotional garbage. |
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Why aren’t you saying anything? |
I want to wait until your day is completely over before I ask how it was. |
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You haven’t said a word all evening. |
Excuse me, I’ve been talking non-stop to myself since the waiter seated us. |
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Do I have to talk to myself? |
Don’t knock it unless you’ve tried it. |
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Talking to you is like talking to the wall. |
At least with the wall I have a fighting chance to get a word in edgewise. |
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Am I boring you? |
No, I’m absolutely fascinated by the way your left eye roams a little to the left. |
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You didn’t say a thing to my friends. |
Doesn’t vigorously staring count for anything? |
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Would it have killed you to have said something? |
Funny you should ask. Here’s a note from my doctor. |
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Your silence scares me. |
And to think I was going to surprise you next week by saying “Happy Birthday.” |
Living Inside My Head 