Self-Helpless

Too Many Sounds of Silence

seven_reasons_men_dont_listen_womenExtroverts are lovely people but require constant care and attention. For example, nothing drives them crazier than an introvert’s tendency to be quiet – the quieter the more annoying. You are not officially an introvert until you’ve heard the words, “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Scientists are unsure why extroverts require a constant stream of verbal stimulation. After all, who wouldn’t want to sit alone contemplating life for days at a time? However, until a cure is found, introverts must reply to an endless stream of queries about their lack of verbal communication.

Here are some helpful responses to popular inquiries.

When they say:

You say:

Why are you so quiet?

Actually, I’m speaking to my dog but at a frequency only he can understand.

Hello, anybody in there?

Just a minute, I’m bagging my emotional garbage.

Why aren’t you saying anything?

I want to wait until your day is completely over before I ask how it was.

You haven’t said a word all evening.

Excuse me, I’ve been talking non-stop to myself since the waiter seated us.

Do I have to talk to myself?

Don’t knock it unless you’ve tried it.

Talking to you is like talking to the wall.

At least with the wall I have a fighting chance to get a word in edgewise.

Am I boring you?

No, I’m absolutely fascinated by the way your left eye roams a little to the left.

You didn’t say a thing to my friends.

 Doesn’t vigorously staring count for anything?

Would it have killed you to have said something?

 Funny you should ask. Here’s a note from my doctor.

Your silence scares me.

And to think I was going to surprise you next week by saying “Happy Birthday.”

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