What We’ve Learned from Jeffrey Toobin’s Zoom Doom

  • Contrary to what you may think, there is actually someone who understands less about modern technology than your parents.
  • Being unable to hug and shake hands online isn’t the worst thing that can happen.
  • Attorney Toobin will never again be able to ask, “Would you like to see my briefs?”
  • Zoom needs to create a second Mute button labeled “CLICK AND LEAVE THE ROOM.”
  • We should be thankful CNN always shot talking head Toobin from the neck up.
  • You can do a lot worse than Anthony Weiner.
  • If Zoom existed in 1925, lawyer Clarence Darrow might have been known for the Scopes Spanking the Monkey trial.
  • The next time someone resigns over a “personal matter,” don’t count on people fighting to get their cubicle.
  • Be thankful Harvey Weinstein went to jail before virtual meetings became popular.
  • It’s tough to be a public figure when you have less social media impulse control than Donald Trump.

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and others. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”