NFL Prospect Announces He’s an Introvert


footballLeon “Sawzall” Sanders, a bruising linebacker for the Alaska State University Salmon, announced Tuesday he is an introvert.

The NFL prospect is poised to become the league’s first openly introvert player.

“I understand the implications,” he said. “No one has done this before. But if it’s going to be me, then so be it…Hopefully with a minimum of high-fiving and butt slapping.”

Sanders said he first suspected he was an introvert in the second grade when he faked a stomach ache to avoid playing Ring Around the Rosie. “People have always assumed I’m aloof, arrogant, and standoffish. Actually, that part is true.”

Some experts think Sanders’s announcement could lower his selection in the draft. Said an NFL scout, “A lot of players won’t like the idea of showering with someone who doesn’t make eye contact.” Added a players’ agent, “Most of my clients are conceited, spoiled a-holes, but at least they’re friendly when you bail them out of jail. I’m not sure the league is ready for a player who can’t fake humility at the ESPY Awards.”

The NFL released a statement in support of Sanders: “We admire Leon Sanders’ honesty and courage. The league has come a long way since Commissioner Pete Rozelle’s infamous and unfortunate observation: ‘Johnny Unitas is an unapproachable son of a bitch’.”

Solo Run from the Cure®

LonelinessOfTheLondDistanceRunnerThe Sally F. Solo Race from the Cure® is the smallest 5K run/fitness walk in the world. It raises negligible funds and barely any awareness for the fight against the belief that introversion is a condition that can or should be cured. The race celebrates introvert survivorship and honors those who have lost their battle with idiots who won’t leave them alone.

Since its inception last week, the Sally F. Solo Run from the Cure has grown from one local race with one participant to a global series of more than 3 races, each with one participant. Our motto: Don’t Crowd Us!

The Sally F. Solo Race from the Cure is designed to promote awareness of people who think introversion is a curable illness. It also promotes avoiding them.

The Sally F. Solo Race from the Cure is a great way for people to help fight for a good cause without actually having to come into contact with other people helping fight for a good cause.

How can you help?

  • Donate – Send yourself a generous amount of money. Then ask your accountant how you can deduct it.
  • Volunteer – We promise: If we get together for any reason, there will be NO group hugs, high fives or team building exercises.
  • Form a team – Just kidding

Individually, we can make a difference!