Uncategorized

Introvert Hall of Fame Inductees Announced

introvert_all_of_fame_02Introvert Hall of Fame executive director, Regina Reclusaconti announced this year’s inductees. Some notable honorees include:

  • Helen “Muffin” English – Longtime White House correspondent English never asked a question for 32 years until her final day when she demanded to know the location of the ladies room.
  • Thelma Anne Louise – Sears and Roebuck employee Louise is the only cashier in history to process over a million sales transactions without engaging a customer in small talk. The closest she came to idle chatter was in 1968 when she told a shopper, “Your fly is down.”
  • Myra “Cloudy” Myers –  Myers maintained a 4.00 grade point average from kindergarten through graduate school while constantly staring out the classroom window. She has since founded a charity for indigent former teachers who said she’d never amount to anything.
  • Hank “Got My Back” Reardon – The master of avoiding attention, Reardon has never met a back wall he didn’t cling to. His motto: Have obstructed view, will travel. Hank is the only chairman of a Fortune 500 company to address shareholders from a janitor’s closet.
  • Ernie “Frozen Call” Dawkins – In an unintentional groundbreaking experiment, telemarketer Dawkins proved that staring at a phone while in a cold sweat for 8 hours a day is not conducive to selling vinyl siding.
  • Cecil “Sweaty Palms” Singletary – Dating maven Singletary has driven over 100,000 miles around the city blocks to avoid arriving at singles mixers early. His circular travels also earned him an inadvertent induction into the Stalkers Hall of Fame.
  • Ilia Onandon – NPR talk show host Onandon has interviewed one guest since 1985: himself. Few will forget his 2003 Valentine’s Day discussion in which he proposed to his inner voice and was rejected.

At the honorees request, the formal induction will be conducted by registered mail.

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Uncategorized

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Self-Helpless, Uncategorized

Introvert Myths

introvert_myths_02

Google the word “introvert” and you’ll find countless websites waxing poetic about these moody wonders. Are they quiet spiritual souls or personality-deficient party poopers? The truth lies somewhere in between. The following clarifies a few introvert myths.

Myth Reality
Introverts are quiet because they always think about deep and spiritual things. Some introverts need a lot of time thinking about  whether to have pepperoni or sausage pizza.
Introverts hate small talk because it bores them. Some introverts love discussing how much the hosts paid for their house.
Introverts are great writers. Some introverts are great at writing home for money.
Introverts hate being in crowds. Some introverts like to rub gently against passengers on crowded subways.
Human interaction exhausts introverts. Some introverts don’t want you to know they love watching TV for hours while eating junk food.
Introverts are good at seeing the big picture. Some introverts think the big picture involves government control of our tooth paste reserves.
Introverts have a constant, rich and fascinating inner monologue. Some introverts can bore even themselves.
Introverts are very sensitive people. Some introverts will ask you to pass the ketchup while you’re telling them your dog passed away.
Introverts intrigue people. Some introverts scare people.
Introverts have the most interesting friends. Some introverts can’t distinguish between fascinating and certifiably insane.
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