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Night of the Living Eyeballs

zombies_03Nothing makes an introvert more uncomfortable than being the center of attention – particularly during a zombie invasion. Like extroverts, most zombies do not understand that introverts prefer to be left alone. This also explains why solitary monsters, like vampires and werewolves, have more empathy for their socially awkward victims.

In the classic 1950 horror flick, “I Was a Teenage Recluse,” the main character Leo Mizner, an obsessive introvert, avoids marauding monsters destroying his town by staying in his house and reading “Anna Karenina.” In the final, terrifying scene, Mizner foolishly opens his front door, and comes face-to-eyeballs with a family of flesh-eating Jehovah witness zombies. The credits roll as the creatures from the dead politely hand him a leaflet and have him for brunch.

Zombies are basically nice creatures once you get past the flesh-eating part, but they have always posed unique problems for introverts. How do you say, “Please look away while you devour me” without hurting their feelings? Better to simply lock your doors and windows, call the National Guard, and crawl into bed with a nice book.

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