Non-Talkative Man Barred From Supercuts

barber_02Lyle Halston has been coming to Supercuts for over seven years.

No more.

The quiet, unassuming, software engineer has been told his business is no longer welcome. His crime? He never talks with his stylists.

“I realize most people like to chat with their cutter, but I can never think of anything to say,” says Halston. “I’m aware this creates nervous tension. I even once tried to ask ‘How was your weekend,’ but it felt so phony.”

“He was really creeping out the staff,” said manager Becky Nunes. “Would it kill him to talk about the weather once in a while?”

The last straw came when stylist Eddie “Snips” McCann asked Halston if he had “watched the game last night.” “He took a deep breath; it looked like he was about to speak; and then he just closed his eyes. Talk about arrogant! As God is my witness, I will never tell him to have a nice day again!”

Halston tried to make up for his quiet demeanor with extra-large tips, but it wasn’t enough for cutter Alice Beamon: “Tips are nice but they can’t compare to someone inquiring about your bunions.”

Lyle is frustrated. It’s been almost a year since he’s had a haircut, and he still hasn’t been able to find a new stylist who is amenable to his quiet nature. On the bright side, he’s channeled his anger into a new one-man show called “I Am Bigfoot.”


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