Living Inside My Head

Most people are familiar with the British passenger liner  Titanic, On April 15, 1912 during its maiden voyage, it struck an iceberg and sank to the bottom of the North Atlantic Ocean taking with it more than 1500 passengers.

Few people are familiar with one of the 498 survivors, introvert Felix Flambeau who might have saved the ship had it not been for his reclusive ways.

Flambeau, an itinerant toothpick designer from Boonton, New Jersey was taking his first-ever vacation. Using his life savings, he booked a luxury one-bedroom cabin on the ocean liner. Initially, he was having the time of his life: avoiding passengers, avoiding the crowded buffet lines and avoiding invitations to enter limbo contests.

All that changed on the evening of April 15th when, while seeking some solitude underneath an unoccupied deck chair, he spotted an enormous iceberg ahead of the ship.

Sensing the seriousness of the situation but not wanting to approach a crewmember much less make eye contact with them, Flambeau leaped into action. He made a mental note to write the captain a serious warning note and slip it under his door the next morning.

Tragically, the Titanic struck the iceberg and sank before dawn, denying Felix a place in history as the world’s first introverted hero.

As the ship began to sink into the freezing North Atlantic Ocean, passengers desperately fought to board crowded lifeboats. The dazed Flambeau stood by, witnessing the ensuing chaos. Suddenly, a voice from a panic-stricken hoard offered him a place in their jam-packed boat. Felix didn’t want to go down with the ship, but the idea of spending time in a crowded vessel, making small talk with total strangers was more than he could imagine. He politely declined their generous offer.

Felix Flambeau leaped off the ship’s bow and floated alone in the ice-cold water for two days. During this time rescue ships passed within whispering distance, but he remained silent, not wanting to attract attention to himself. Finally, he was rescued by an Argentine trawler which had spotted “a strange man floating in the water writing post cards.” For the solitary gentleman from Booton, New Jersey, it was the most peaceful and enjoyable part of his vacation.

It’s time to let the world know what you have to offer – even if you’re offering 2 for 1 deals on recycled sweat socks.

We get it. You’re an introvert. You don’t like bringing attention to yourself. But face it, it’s hard to succeed if no one knows you or what you do unless you’re being monitored by Homeland Security.

Fortunately, the same skills that got you voted in high school “Most Likely to Strike Up a Conversation with a Potted Plant” can help unleash your inner, socially-averse self-promoter.

Using just a few of your introvert strengths, you can show the world what you have to offer.

• Listen and observe – (Please note: observing your neighbor through your telescope does not count.) By talking less, and listening and observing more, introverts can pick up on conversational subtleties that others don’t. For example, after one short conversation, you may conclude: “This is the perfect person with whom to merge my multi-national corporation” or “Why doesn’t he trim his nose hairs?”
• Manage your energy – Attending an entire two-hour networking event is exhausting. Better to cut it down to a more manageable amount of time, say 20 seconds, 25 if the food is good. Then it’s time to head off to the nearest empty coat closet and collapse into an exhausted ball on the floor.
• Go with your strengths – Why try to sound like an expert nuclear arms negotiator when you can dazzle them with your real strength: sleight of hand magic tricks. It doesn’t matter if your potential employer is looking for an experienced project manager. When delivered with confidence and authority, stories about your years as a one-legged Hooters waitress will seal the deal and put you a hop, step and jump ahead of the competition.
• Prepare what to say – If you’re too nervous to speak extemporaneously, memorize your talking points. If that’s too hard, bring along a portable teleprompter. And keep it simple. Don’t try to impress with flowery language when monosyllable grunts will suffice. A rule of thumb: Never attempt to remember anything that you’d forget while screaming the same thing during sex.
• Share your experiences – An entertaining story about convincing a Nigerian prince to buy a non-existent Florida timeshare is bound to help you land a new account or great job. People may not connect your face with your business card, but they’ll never forget the woman who talked about being abducted by a UFO.
• Build meaningful connections – Introverts excel at one-on-one relationships. They may not remember everyone they encountered at crowded parties, but they remember every conversation, word-for-bark, they had with the host’s pet. Self-promoting for introverts works the same way. Don’t focus on meeting lots of people. Rather, build a relationship with the assistant sales manager with whom you chatted for hours about migratory robots.
• Be honest with yourself – Introverts are notoriously bad phony phonies. It consumes too much energy – energy that can be used for other endeavors, like endlessly replaying conversations in your head. When in doubt, look at yourself in the mirror (it’s okay to avoid eye contact) and give it to yourself straight. After all, no one knows you better than you – and perhaps your therapist who plans make you the subject of her next book.

If you’ve ever spent an evening at a networking event wondering which alias to write on your name tag, you know self-promotion can be tough for introverts.

Self-promotion goes against an introvert’s nature. (Some would say better nature.) Unfortunately, it’s hard to succeed without putting yourself out there, even if “out there” feels like having a bad case of acne at a clothing-optional bus stop.

Extroverts love waxing poetic about their achievements. Introverts, on the other hand, would rather stay at home and write in their journal, “Today, I invented a cure for bad foreign accents.”

Unfortunately, unless you’re pursuing a home-based career in envelope stuffing, some self-promotion is required for professional and personal growth.

The good news is the same qualities that impel introverts to avoid social interaction also makes them great self-promoters. For example, you’re not just a person nervously standing alone at a meet-and-greet; you’re an entrepreneur promoting your freelance mime business.

The secret to being a great introvert self-promoter is doing what works for you and then finding people who appreciate you and what you do – whether it’s your creative mind, boundless energy or uncomfortable facial expression.

TED Squawks – Spreading Ideas Like Fertilizer

When is the right time to think about when is the right time? Jared Waverino has been asking that question since 1992 when, after 20 years, he decided to move out of his parent’s basement.

In an extraordinary, frank talk, he explains how thinking, rethinking and thinking again can liberate our minds. Jared identifies three key situations at affect living fulfilling and well-thought-out lives: Ordering Big Macs without considering the rest of the menu; Choosing a lover without checking out the dating pool in every other country; and calling 911 without first deciding at least different 10 ways to say “I’ve been robbed!”

Waverino says, “Yes, some societies have progressed by taking bold, quick action, but never forget that before there was ‘We the people’ there was ‘Us the people’ and “Everybody here’.”

Jared Waverino, anthropologist, obsessive neurotic has spent years studying how baboons make choices. He’s the author of the best-selling book “I May or May Not Want Another Banana.”

 

Do you run things over in your mind again and again and again?

Is most of your day consumed by contemplating whether to switch from boxers to briefs?

Have you spent hours beating yourself up because you didn’t complement your Uber driver’s stylishly-trimmed neck line?

Psychologists have a name for this behavior when exhibited by introverts:

It’s called Normal.

In most cases, overthinkers have two options:

1. Try to stop or moderate your behavior. This might work. You could also end up spending years telling yourself, “I’m going to stop overthinking. I’m going to stop overthinking, I’m going to…”
2. Use it to your advantage. Some of history’s most famous people were overthinkers: Thomas Edison (“I can’t stop thinking about light bulbs.”); Christopher Columbus (“I can’t believe I told Queen Isabella I’d find a route to the East Indies or die trying.”); and Fleetwood Mac (“Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow.”)

Overthinking is not a curse. It’s a gift. A gift that keeps giving and giving and giving until it gives you an idea that cures cancer or endless ways to say to neurotic semi-strangers, “I’m sorry. I’m just not into couples counselling on the first date.”

Are you skeptical about introvert/extrovert relationships? Let these couples set you straight.

	Marshall: When we met, we didn’t think we had a thing in common. Then we realized we both love small-time robberies and driving getaway cars. Lisa: I won’t lie, Marshall’s long periods of silence sometimes bother me, but he more than makes up for it when he wakes up during the night screaming.
	Babs: I appreciate Sam’s life experiences, like being declared legally dead for three years. Sam: Babs gets me out of the house and shows me another view of the world. Without her, I’d never experience the pure joy of taking her laundry to the dry cleaners.
	Julie: Jerry doesn’t always understand my need for alone time, especially when I’m hibernating. But there’s something about him I find so attractive, especially his cute smile when he chews on a wildebeest. Jerry: My friends said we’d have nothing in common, but I fell in love with Julie the second I saw her trying to catch a fish in a river.
	Carmella: Romaine respects my need for my own space. Sometimes up to three inches apart. Romaine: Carmella has a quiet side that I may never understand, as she may never grasp my desire to spend months with the Guatemalan National badminton team. Still, the only thing that can separate us is a severe cold.
	Francesca: It was tough when we first started dating. I wanted to go out and party every night. He wanted to stay home and read or talk about his dust bunny collection. Lionel: Francesca opened my eyes to new world. I’m still quiet and shy, but have to admit I love going with her to clothing-optional Bingo nights.
	Spiros: I never believed I’d ever meet a woman who would understand an uncontrollably-sobbing introvert like me until I met Titania – as opposed to most people who find me unintelligible when I’m weeping. Titania: Truth be told, I’ve never been turned on by bawling baby types, but there’s something tender and otherworldly about Spiros. I can’t take my eyes off him when he’s crawled up in a fetal position.
	Bert: We’ve always had a great working relationship. We respect our differences and give each other space. I’ve treasured our time together. Ernie: There was a time when we both questioned our sexual identity. (It doesn’t help not having genitalia.) Then we said, “What the hell, being an introvert/extrovert couple is the least of our problems. Bert: It would take more than extended periods of bone-chilling silence to wipe the smile off this puppet’s face.

 

Most introverts would rather be in a relationship with another introvert. It makes sense. Who better to understand your solitary ways than someone who also requests a table for one at wedding receptions?

However, since there are more extroverts than introverts, it’s highly probable you could end up with an otherwise wonderful person who belongs to a 20,000-member book club.

Is it possible for an introvert and an extrovert have a normal, happy, fulfilling relationship? People have been asking that question since the first caveman told his wife, “Yes, I realize we’re surrounded by man-eating hyenas, but I really need to take a walk and be alone.”

Opposites often attract because each one offers what the other is missing: Introverts are amazed at extroverts’ openness and ability to demand a waitress replace a half-cooked entrée. Extroverts appreciate introverts’ thoughtfulness and are astonished they can listen to a grief-stricken relative deliver a lengthy eulogy without continually interrupting.

Introvert/extrovert relationships often work because each partner compliments the other. The extrovert can liven up the introvert and confirm they’re still breathing, while the introvert can calm the extrovert down and convince them not to sucker punch the policeman who pulled them over for running a stop sign.

Can an introvert/extrovert relationship work for you? To succeed, each side must be open to what the other has to offer and do it with a minimum of passive aggression. In the end, it comes down to chemistry or finding enough chemicals to keep you happy and sedated.

You’ve been pretty productive lately. You finally found a gym that doesn’t prosecute members for failing to wipe down the machines. Your team of 20 crack lawyers figured out the best data plan for you. And after a lifetime of wondering if you suffer from Square Peg in Round Hole syndrome, you discovered you’re simply an introvert.

Now it’s time to find someone with whom to share your wonderful, solitary life.

Chances are your dating status falls under one of the following categories:

• You’ve never been in a long-term relationship — excluding your life-long affair with “The X-Files.”
• You’ve had one date in your life from which you’re still recuperating.
• You’ve never been on a date, although you’ve convinced your parents you have a husband and five kids.

Relationships can be overwhelming under normal circumstances. They’re even more daunting when the most intimate relationship you’ve had is with the sultry voice in your head who always whispers, “The hell with karaoke, let’s go home and read a book.”

You probably won’t meet Mr./Ms. Right on your first encounter, but it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your eggplant parmesan while your blind date talks non-stop about her fallen arches. Then it’s on to the next candidate.

Before posting on Tinder a photo of your trembling face feigning confidence, take a deep breath, relax and read the following tips:

• Don’t panic. You are embarking on a new phase of your life that will bring happiness and fulfillment with, hopefully, not too many noticeable perspiration stains. It’s not unusual to be nervous when you start dating. It may take some time, but eventually nervousness will be the last thing you’ll be thinking about as you head out to meet your 250th “sure thing.”
• Think about the kind of person you’d like to meet. Aside from someone who “gets you” and won’t mind your month-long silent periods, what else appeals to you? Given that you may be anxious to meet anyone at the moment, it’s important to have some minimum requirements. Should he be tall and brooding? If so, must he be able to dunk a basketball? Should she have a pleasant resting bitch face? If so, is a complete set of teeth mandatory?
• Don’t worry about rejection. Most people you’ll meet are dealing with the same fears and insecurities. However, unlike most extroverts who, after a bad date, must go home to a lonely, empty apartment, you get to go home to a GREAT, empty apartment.
• Don’t think, “No one will want to meet a weirdo like me.” Dating will introduce you to some of the most unusual creatures ever to walk on two legs. You’ll leave many encounters thinking, “At least I know the difference between a fork and knife.”
• Be yourself. You are a wonderful person with much to offer, including the ability to quietly listen to your date talk endlessly without changing your facial expression or losing consciousness (most of the time). Aside from perhaps a few  personal hygiene issues and some outstanding felony warrants, you are perfect the way you are.
• Don’t wait for people to come to you. Introverts tend to let others to make the first move. This greatly decreases your dating pool. You don’t have to become overly or even normally social, but at the very least it doesn’t hurt to hit on your mail carrier or that nice woman next door with all the cats.
• Be up-front about your introversion. Ideally, you’d like to meet another introvert or an extrovert who enjoys and appreciates introverts – unless, of course, you’re seeking someone who is turned on by passive aggressive phone sex. Why date a person who, after meeting you, calls 911 to report an unresponsive body when you can meet someone who is turned on by an unresponsive body?
• It will get easier. You’re using dating muscles that have rarely or never been exercised. It takes most seasoned daters at least 10 times to comfortably say, “You don’t look anything like the photo in your personal ad.” It may take you a little longer. but in eventually you’ll be asking your latest encounter, “Aren’t we related?” without batting eye.

When it comes to love and relationships, introverts are different from extroverts and, for that matter, anyone else who doesn’t fanaticize about reading passionate poetry to their lover in a deserted Starbucks, located in a desolate seaport village being pounded by a violent nor’easter.

Introverts think and communicate differently, especially when expressing emotions and desires towards people about whom they feel deeply. Unlike extroverts, few introverts would propose marriage at a Ninety-Nine Restaurant & Pub during Happy Hour – and certainly not on Wings Night.

Finding companionship is challenging for introverts because they are more inclined to be approached rather than seek out their true love. Finding that one special person is even more challenging if your social circle consists of you, your cat and a stuffed animal who is the only one that really “gets you.”

But fear not! Your special someone is out there somewhere, probably like you, avoiding human contact and wondering why you two haven’t hooked up. All you need are a few dating strategy adjustments. In no time, you’ll be with your one and only, hearts pounding, eye contact avoiding and verbal skills atrophied due to years of neglect.