Real quick thoughts
- Being able to hold in gas during your wedding vows should be considered a super power.
- If one person is talking on the phone while having sex, is it considered a threesome?
- Being on the second-string team is still better than being on the dental floss squad.
I believe
Amazon delivery people are mostly former Jehovah’s Witnesses who want to be more productive with their time.
Has this ever happened to you?
I told a man at the gym who was wiping down a machine that his heart didn’t really seem in it. He responded, “I’d tell you to go f*ck yourself if your criticism wasn’t so pathetic.” I shot back, “How dare you accuse me of being a pitifully insignificant soul! Can I have a hug?”
Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and others. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”
Living Inside My Head 