Self-Helpless

Is Gluten Making You an Introvert?

worried_Doctor_02
Dr. Menachem Fakakta

Are you an introvert? Do you eat food containing gluten? Bingo! There’s your problem.

I’ve been treating people with Celiac disease (a condition in which the small intestine cannot digest gluten) for years. Extensive anecdotal evidence indicates a gluten-free diet can cure introversion and many other conditions including:

  • Homophobia
  • Pyromania
  • Beatlemania
  • Introspection
  • Contemplation
  • Heebie-jeebies
  • Stockholm Syndrome
  • Cablevision
  • Ethnocentrism
  • Plagiarism

An introvert who changes to a gluten-free diet will notice immediate changes:

  • Small talk becomes easier. You’ll have no problem babbling endlessly about how you’d kill for a doughnut.
  • The fear of large groups of people will be replaced by fear that you’ll never eat another delicious bowl of pasta.
  • At meetings, you’ll stop sitting in the back of the room and start sitting near the pastry tray.
  • You’ll have fewer running inner monologues and more outer running monologues: “I remember pizza and Doritos and cake and…”
  • You’ll come out of your shell, asking anyone if they know of a cannoli shell that doesn’t taste like cardboard.

Warning: Changing to a gluten-free diet can cause side effects such as loss of joie de vivre, compulsive gambling, and temporary or permanent loss of life.

Dr. Menachem Fakakta is licensed to practice medicine in 7 Third World countries. He is the author of the humorous surgical textbook, “I know I Left that Scalpel Somewhere.”

Standard

One thought on “Is Gluten Making You an Introvert?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s