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Another Introvert Sighting

Another Introvert was spotted at a local beach.

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The lone figure appeared only for 12 hours, but scientists were able to attach an electronic tracking device. The male recluse they’ve named “Bob” exhibits classic introvert personality traits:

  • He prefers to be alone and thrives in a solitary environment. He refused to join the scientists in their daily group hug.
  • Being with people for extended periods of time drains him of energy. He needed three days to recharge after waiting in line for two hours to renew his driver’s license.
  • He finds small talk agonizing but enjoys conversing about philosophy and ideas. However, one short phrase that comes easy to him is, “Please, leave me alone.”
  • He is very self-aware. The scientists theorize it’s because he’s been obsessing about himself for the past 20 years.
  • With most strangers he’s quiet and reserved. He still has nightmares years after an unfortunate blind date with Courtney Love.
  • He is at ease with small groups of people with whom he’s familiar. In fact, he’s the life of his Kafka discussion group.
  • He always thinks about things before talking, which has led to a lot of awkward silence during phone sex.
  • Too much stimulation leaves him feeling distracted and unfocused. He always feels disoriented after anyone asks him for directions.
  • He often feels alone in a crowd. This why he always brings a book to read at flash mobs.
  • It’s easy for him to give a speech to 500 people but harder to mingle with them after. Fortunately, he has perfected his “Excuse me, I have to go feed my cat” line.

The scientists originally planned to secretly monitor the introvert for one month. However, they are extending their study to examine the cause of what appears to be the subject’s growing paranoia.

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