According to a Fox News poll, majorities of white evangelical Christians (56%), Republicans (60%), 2024 Trump supporters (62%), and MAGA supporters (70%) believe Trump was saved from assassination attempts because God wanted him to be president again.

I have always assumed God avoided politics and focused on parimutuel betting, but what do I know? He has never spoken to me through an ABC News/WaPo/Ipsos poll.

Dig a little deeper into polling, however, and you will find the Lord is telling MAGA minions even more.

• According to a Giddyup poll, 50% believe God rehearsed saving Donald Trump from assassination by practicing with Abraham Lincoln, James A. Garfield and William McKinley.
• A Whoopsos poll tells us that 73% know for a fact that the next Black president will only occur after the Lord chooses a qualified man named Black.
• Rasmucas’ latest survey indicates that 48% believe Jared Fogle will be released from jail when God discovers Subway has been substituting baloney for Black Forest ham.
• Harris Insights, Outsights & All-Around Analytics reveals that 83% of Trumpers believe God told President Trump to give Mel Gibson his guns back – but very carefully because of, well, Mel’s hair trigger temper.
• According to a SurveyMonkeyHouse poll, 67% percent believe Trump and wife Melania sleep in separate bedrooms, because the Lord’s light shining down on Donald keeps her up at night.
• And in a related Phew! Research Center poll, 0% of people who normally ask “What would Jesus do?” have never asked “Who would Trump do?”

Do these polling results convince me that God is Trump’s copilot or even fast-food friend? I find it hard to believe the Lord favors anyone – or could even figure out how to manipulate swing state voting.

Regardless, I think it would take a lot to change MAGA minds.

But…if the economy continues to tank and their savings swoon, it won’t surprise me if many of them wake one night soon claiming to have heard an all-knowing voice above bellow:

“I’m with Bernie.”

Comedy writer Ben Alper has written for Jay Leno, David Letterman and others. He is the author of “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages”