Tag: Trump

Even More Trump Revelations!

Published on by benalp2013Leave a comment

The steady stream of books written about Donald J. Trump continue to shock and amaze a public now accustomed to being shocked and amazed.

Here are a few more mind-boggling facts that, let’s face it, probably won’t surprise you.

  • Trump’s first Mideast peace proposal included renaming Jerusalem’s Temple Mount, Trump International Hotel and Temple Mount.
  • The largest anonymous donor to the Trump campaign was by far a political group funded mostly by a Saudi Arabian orange hair dye magnate.
  • During his first year in office, Trump needed to be talked out of naming an ambassador to the International House of Pancakes.
  • The Trump Organization recruits most employees at job fairs held mostly on our country’s southern border.
  • During the height of the pandemic, Trump paid a high-priced prostitute $250,000 to order him to wear a mask.
  • Trump’s aids encouraged him to read his speeches strictly on a teleprompter by dangling freshly cooked cheeseburgers slightly above the top margin.
  • Corey Lewandowski would have been named secretary of state had he been able to find Great Britain on a map.
  • While recovering from Covid, Trump was replaced at a rally by a Benny Hilly impersonator with a pretty good New York accent.
  • To keep VP Mike Pence and Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy in line, Trump received secret obedience lessons from Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan.
  • Melania Trump has given husband Donald her approval for running for president again, but ONLY if he allows her write, produce, direct and star in “The Stormy Daniels Story.”

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and others. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”

Trump’s Reaction to Losing

Published on by benalp2013Leave a comment
  • “I don’t like make excuses, but Hitler had more support in his bunker.”
  • “Dammit! I won’t be able to appoint the first Hell’s Angels member to a cabinet position.”
  • “I was very specific about this: I wanted an October, not December surprise!”
  • “Did Fauci just give me the finger on CNN?”
  • “Rudy says we can still void all the California votes.”
  • “I don’t understand it; we had such great hats.”
  • “New retroactive executive order: We sold Pennsylvania to Portugal.”
  • “I told you we should’ve used the pictures of Hunter Biden with Jane Fonda in Hanoi.”
  • “What do you mean Putin now has an unlisted number?”
  • “I don’t care if it’s screwed to the floor. I’m taking the Oval Office desk with me.”
  • “Ivanka, Jared, get in here. We’re doing a group self-pardon.”

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and others. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”