“Lori Loughlin Asks for Passport Back Following College Admissions Scandal Prison Sentence” – Then it’s straight to International House of Pancakes.
“Jennifer Lopez Admits She and Alex Rodriguez Went to Therapy Amid COVID-19 Pandemic” – “…and then, Doctor, I caught him fist bumping the cabana girl.”
“Justin Timberlake Apologizes to Ex Britney Spears and Janet Jackson After Backlash” – “And while I’m at it, I take full responsibility for being the lookout at a Citibank® heist in 2003.”
“Former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay Calls Dale Moss and Clare Crawley Split ‘Disappointing’” – Question: How long can you call yourself “Former Bachelorette” before your friends start to say, “It’s time to move on with your life.”
“Hailey Bieber shares touching tribute to her ‘Valentine’ Justin Bieber with PDA-filled slideshow with snaps from their wedding and tropical getaways” – “And here’s a shot of our hotel maid in the bathroom wrestling an iguana.”
“Chris Pratt proves he’s willing to go the distance for love as he flies back from Australia to celebrate Valentine’s Day with wife Katherine Schwarzenegger” – His final relationship test will be learning to spell “Schwarzenegger.”
“Brooke Burke EXCLUSIVE: The Dancing with The Stars vet, 49, reveals her top FIVE secrets for looking as good as she did when she was in her 20s” – Number One secret: Never appear in public without wearing a hazmat suit.
The only time I’ve felt comfortable in a crowd was at my intervention.
Show me a lonely billionaire, and I’ll show you someone incapable of building a robot friend.
I know I should love myself, but I’m not ready for a committed relationship.
I cried because I had no shoes until someone said, “You have lovely toes.”
I don’t like to rush people. Whenever I take someone’s picture, I always say, “Count to 250 and say cheese.”
Bad conversation starter: Nice shopping cart. Where did you steal it?
You are on a train that leaves the station at noon. The train is 187 miles from its destination at 2:45 p.m. and 90 miles from its destination at 4:15 p.m. How far will the train travel before you speak to the passenger sitting next to you?
I coulda been a contender, but I’m horrible at job interviews.
Networking tip: Share your experiences. People may not connect your face with your business card, but they’ll never forget the woman who talked about her alien abduction.
If I always listened with my heart, what would I do with my ears?